As a newly anointed Dad, and a confused one at best, I realized quickly that turning to the web as a man for advice on how to grapple with all of these questions and changes was futile at best.
Where were all the Dad blogs?
The directions/advice for Dad’s on how to handle a mom that’s 8 month’s pregnant? A newborn that has gas? The right type of “stuff” that you need in your hospital bag? And what to expect when you’re wife is in the operating room, giving birth to your child?
I’m experiencing the ups and downs of fatherhood hourly now, and wanted to share the experience with other Dads – at the minimum, my family from around the world can peek in here and see some fun pictures of the new addition.
That was my attempt at a play on words, celebrating Deepwali or Diwali, the Festival of Lights, had me reflecting on the quick pace of the year. Change in job, kids got to travel abroad multiple times this year (from 0 to 6 in one year!), we are minding our carbon footprint more aggressively now (yes we will likely cut travel due to this), and massive emotional developments as they enter 4th and pre-K4.
The second child really forces you to reflect on how you either didn’t do it right with the first, or how different two little blastulas can develop.
Just pausing to see their personalities, how wonderful they are, and how smart they have become always makes me smile. I don’t know if it’s incremental investment that has paid off, or if it’s the schools, or if it’s all of the above-but truly enjoying it.
The travels have been tough given their burgeoning needs for space and ego, but they remain steadfast in semi ok behavior.
Now that I’m fully remote, I get to enjoy them much more. Except for weeks where my office is like this…
I do think the space is needed though, a little too much Dad can be a lot for them.
As we dive into tween years for the older one, we have remained strong in maintaining the need for music and other activities. He would rather play Fortnite and socialize with his friends on the basketball court; even drop out of school for a shot at the nba. But inspite of the tears, we persist on the basics: music, math, reading, and a love of art (in whatever dimension that is expressed).
Such a mix if emotions today after selling my Audi…it was the first car my son and I “picked together.” Though he was 3.
He was beaming and loved this thing, the growl and speed. So many memories.
I wondered today, was it the car or the memories? Was it the experience? Or was it the guilt? I promised I’d keep the car for him, but as the world and environment change, so do the habits and vehicles. I broke my promise.
He loves cars. Ever since he knew he did.
And since he was so young, I’d take him to races and enjoy the fumes. We would go to Lime Rock and he would delight in getting 1 unique Hotwheels too.
The chapter isn’t over, it’s just…a different chapter. I will miss the little toddler he was. The innocence. The lack of sleep. The cuddles and naps. Now, on the last day of summer, he is in his room, pissed about starting 4th grade tomorrow, and I’m emotional for what reason I’m unsure. The grow up fast. Your left with pics and memories.
Farewell Audi RS3, our rides and memories are with you forever.
Did summer begin already? A quick jaunt to Europe consumed nearly three weeks and tested the parental strength we thought we had amassed after all these years.
Lessons learned: do not do multiple legs within Europe, across borders via planes or trains IF you have kids in a stroller or car seat. The sheer weight of these items makes the cross border travails exhausting. Furthermore, no thanks to the state of affairs with airlines, assume delays and cancellations all summer; hence, you will be saddled with multiple car seats, strollers, bags, and kids in non air conditioned conditions trying to keep your calm.
With that said, testing everyone’s patience is teaching kids life lessons on how to manage adversity, because they will mirror your composure later in life. Immersion in other cultures has long term impacts on their ability to navigate diversity and inclusion as they get older; being American is great, but you really lack a true identity outside of the culture you connect with. Having them witness and engage with other cultures teaches them invaluable life lessons. The last element is around the sense of uncertainty and adventure: of you are home doing the same routine in the same country all the time, your scope is myopic at best. Having them navigate uncertainty without knowing a native language is truly an experiment and experience!
More adventures to come as our birthday season this summer begins…
The start of spring break is a great marker for inspiration to post and muse about the dark and cold winter.
After returning from India, we got to celebrate Sam’s birthday, which usually is the book end to winter. Ironically after she came back, it started a week or two long fury of snow and freezing temps. Winter got condensed into two weeks in the month of March.
The weather weakened and we got outside-twking Aarya to his first NBA game ever (vs Nets!), and making sure Krisha remembered how to bike (she’s remarkable).
The bigger shifts happened to me, leaving a large life science company I’d been at for nearly 10 years to join a small biotech with a mid tech footprint.
New brand!
The new team is amazing, and I miss my old team dearly. Sam helped a little in my going away party-in a truly Sam way,
And just like that, the pandemic wound down…I’ve lost count how many times we have been sick with or without Covid, but the parent drain was real.
Real.
Real tough.
But part of my new year’s resolution was to shake off the funk the pandemic brought, and to emerge and share as a Punjabi Dad should…so we start this year’s first post with a Sprinf Holi pic with my daughter,
Leave me alone Dad!
Clearly she’s grown, and as a child of the pandemic, having so many friends and adults around, not only overwhelmed her, but then we played loud foreign music and threw colored dye on each other!
No better time to get them back into the game of being human than Holi…
The reality of adulting and parenting during COVID is that you never have time anymore; you’re either knee deep in work, or knee deep in managing kids, or managing the people managing your kids.
Every now and then we do get away though, and vacation are absolutely the worst idea in my opinion with kids if one of them is under 5.
I know not a popular opinion, and we do it for them, but there is no room for relaxation and in fact because you’re out of your element, the kids are more clingy. That’s when you take them to the beach…
I returned to work for about 6 weeks before we were all locked down due to the novel Corona Virus (COVID-19, C19).
Before C19, life on the weekends was intimidating because we had the kids without a school or nanny. Our new world since March 17 was one where we balanced 2 careers, one 1 year old, and a Kindergartner at the same time.
Kindergarten during C19Conference calling like me
I think adults were slow to adapt…kids were more flexible. And bless them for handling our mismanagement of everything. He took the virtual schooling well, and it continues to this day as he’s in 100% virtual schooling for first grade.
We did have fun though between calls and school, so just a few pictures to capture the glass-half-full of C19…
The minute I got back to work, my blogging productivity went to heck.
So we celebrated Christmas and her birthday all within two weeks of each other…this will get expensive when she gets older for sure. It’s remarkable how as each month passes her personality (rather demand personality) continues to emerge.
Obligatory Christmas tree shot
And that’s where that post ended.
Covid happened and everything upended. Will update later!
I’m more than half way through and dreading the days before I head back to work. She has grown so much since I’ve been home, and cataloging the days and pictures makes me sad because I’ll be missing her growth when behind the desk.
We spent the weekend organizing and sorting toys, so she helped of course, while her fearless super hero brother sorted out the giveaway pile.
I’m on the fence on giving kids money for chores and upkeep of their own things. Allowances are equally dubious in my book-money management comes from earning it, not doing things around the house you should be doing anyhow. Unsure, but the oldest gets it and is very good about helping with cleaning and organizing after some coaxing.
Football season is in full swing and the kids are patient with me watching Saturday Michigan games and Sunday NFL Live (since bronocs have not given me a reason in years to pay Direct TV).
This also means hair is growing longer and we are getting creative with the new found experience of putting bows in everything….
I write about week 6 almost in the middle of week 7. And I get sad about the countdown…as a Dad, I probably won’t ever feel what a Mom feels, but I can understand emotionally the tug that mother’s feel when they go back. It ain’t easy…
And I can’t believe I’m almost at the mid point for my leave….
Diwali came and left quickly. We had a small gathering for her with just close family and friends, and she was of course the star!
Food was perfect, and we enjoyed it the week after too since Chand Palace always gives so much. She’s started solids now and really doesn’t shy away from anything…above she is having Mac and cheese, but she has had Indian chickpeas with rice, home made pizza, etc. We’ve been more aware of food with her in terms of GMO/Organoc vs not. Labels are better now than when the oldest was pioneering his diet with us (this is what I tell myself!)
Blessed as always that my grandmother was able to come, and to see her spend time with both of them is always touching and timeless,
We had our first parent teacher conference the following week, and also had our first “teacher conference week”, which meant we had to entertain him for 4 straight days. Not easy when the temps were dropping g outside, but we got semi creative taking him to Manhattan (while I picked up from Diwali present), and after realizing we needed tickets to a slime exhibit, drove across to Queens to enjoy the Art of Brick exhibit at the Annals of Science,
We left the little on behind since she was fussy and tired from teething, and got to spend some old school 2:1 time with him. Watching his nasent skills blossom is so fun…he’s so method and rule driven. But also likes to have goofy fun, it’s such a tug of war with him (internally).
I enjoyed shooting the exhibit too, Leica and natural lighting always lend to above shots that pop out at you. My manual focusing can improve both in speed and focus but I like starting over in my 40s…
Adventures of a Punjabi Dad 